Gray Divorce: Facing the Economic Challenges

A few months ago, we wrote a blog about a new trend they’re calling gray divorce—late-life divorce. These days, one out of every four people experiencing divorce in the United States is 50 or older; nearly one in ten is 65 or older. The reasons vary, but may include empty-nest syndrome, the increased number of women in the workforce, the desire for a better quality of life and higher rates of remarriage.

The emotional distress and challenges of gray divorce are similar to those of divorce at any age, but older couples face additional obstacles that magnify the difficulties. They often face a limited number of years in which they can generate income, have complicated assets and adult children who may get involved. There is another depressing statistic: for those on their second or third marriage, the rates of divorce are even higher.

Customize a team of advisers customized for your needs

If you’re an older couple facing divorce, many experts recommend identifying a team of professionals to guide you through the process. Depending on your emotional needs and the complexities of your financial landscape, this team may include a mediator, financial planner, accountant and/or therapist. If the divorce is uncontested—if you’re in agreement about the division of assets–California Document Preparers can help you get your divorce. Our team of family law specialists prepares and files all of the legal documents and is sensitive to the emotional needs of our divorce clients; we’re available by phone and email to respond to questions throughout the entire process.

In a gray divorce, working with a financial expert becomes more important because most couples have built up a lifetime’s worth of assets that must be valued and split. There’s the family home, pensions, 401k’s, brokerage accounts and life insurance policies to be taken into consideration. There may be the family business or investments in other ventures, expensive artwork, antiques, vehicles and valuable collections that also must be assessed as part of the estate. Valuing these complex assets and income streams requires time and expertise.

Who gets to keep the family home?

The family home is often a point of contention, especially with older couples. We all can understand not wanting to leave 20 or more years’ worth of memories. This was where you raised your children, where the family gathered to celebrate holidays and important events. There is the familiarity of the neighborhood and good friends. Given the uncertainties that lie ahead, the family home’s appeal can become amplified, as it represents familiarity and a connection to a former, happier life.

Hanging on to the family home may not make sense financially

Divorcing couples need to understand that when they were living together as a married couple, in many cases, they had two incomes. In their new single lives, there will be just one. It’s a time to get very realistic about finances and think pragmatically about how you will support yourself on one income. Be open to alternatives that will leave you in a better financial position. Selling a home or opting for other assets may provide the income you will need in the years ahead. That large family home with a swimming pool and extensive landscaping can quickly become a burden. Many divorcing midlife couples find that downsizing can dramatically help manage costs as they create new lives for themselves.

Call the California Document Preparers team today to schedule an appointment to talk about your divorce. We help you through every step of the process.

Tipper and Al: An Emerging Trend Called Gray Divorce

The story of Tipper and Al Gore is a classic example of an emerging trend called Gray Divorce. Four kids and 40 years of marriage, and this attractive, outwardly happy couple simply had grown apart and wanted to live as single adults. Tipper insists that it wasn’t that Al was dull, boring or cheating on her, and who knows what was going through Al’s mind.

These days, an estimated 50% of US marriages end in divorce

Yet while divorce rates seem to have stabilized or even dropped a bit for most age groups, since 1990, the divorce rate for Americans over the age of 50 has doubled. For those over the age of 65, it has more than doubled.

According to a report by Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin, sociologists at Bowling Green State University, fully one out of every four people experiencing divorce in the United States is 50 or older, and nearly one in 10 is 65 or older. In 1990, fewer than 1 in 10 persons who got divorced was over the age of 50.

Late-life divorce can seem illogical

You’d think that by the time couples had lived together for 20+ years, struggled through their early career-building years and raised their families, they’d have learned to tolerate each other’s bad habits, appreciate their strengths and live in harmony. But the statistics are showing that this is increasingly not the case.

Myriad reasons for an uptick in midlife divorce 

• Some experts believe that people are simply more evolved. We may have to credit the baby boomers for an attitudinal change—this is the group that’s become more vocal and aggressive about their needs than previous generations. Couples are getting divorced because they want and expect more than they’re getting from their current relationship. Their parents may have stayed in loveless marriages, but this generation is increasingly throwing in the towel on their own empty or dysfunctional relationships.
• Others think that online dating sites have become influencers. If you’re not aware of the growing availability of online dating sites, you’re not paying attention. These sites are popping up to meet growing needs and demographics. Online dating has become commonplace; it’s an easily accessible forum for meeting someone with mutual interests. Couples who may be unhappy but are coexisting out of habit are inspired by friends who’ve divorced and found new love online. For those for whom the thrill is gone, these sites offer the thrill of romance—something many people haven’t experienced for years. Happily, many online relationships work out; many don’t, but the possibilities are endlessly tantalizing.
• Empty nests: facing the reality of an empty marriage. The children are gone, and all of a sudden, a couple finds themselves staring at each other across the breakfast table with nothing to talk about. Kids are often the glue that keep marriages together. Once they’re gone, couples are confronted with the harsh reality that they’ve grown apart and have little in common. For those couples in a second marriage who may have struggled to adjust to life as a blended family and helped raise each other’s children, there is an even higher rate of divorce.
• People are living longer, healthier lives. Thanks to good healthcare, diet and exercise, our life expectancy has increased. For that healthy 50-year old couple staring at each other across the breakfast table, their future together can begin to loom large. It’s not unrealistic to think a 50-year-old could live for another 40 years—or more. The prospect of another 40 years with a current spouse may be the deciding factor for an increasing number of middle-aged couples.

California Document Preparers has assisted more than 2,000 clients with Uncontested Divorce. If you and your spouse are in agreement about custody and a parenting plan for your children and you can agree on division of property, you do not need an attorney. We prepare all of the legal documents, notarize and file them for you. In each of our three offices, we have dedicated Family Law specialists who are sensitive to the unique emotional needs of our divorce clients. They work with you throughout the process, and are available by phone and email for questions.

Call to make an appointment today to talk about your Divorce. The California Document Preparers teamhelps you through every step.