Lynda Faye had always looked forward to retirement. Time for gardening and her backyard art studio in Amherst, MA. She wanted to spend time with her grandchildren. To catch up on her reading, to slow down and enjoy life at a slower pace. One thing she never put on her bucket list was caring for an elderly parent.

Faye is 75, and that frail elderly parent is her mother, 99

Yetta Meisel just turned 99. Faye now helps care for her mother, including preparing her meals. She picks up her meds, schedules home aides and transports a wheelchair for excursions. “We never expected her to live this long. She was never particularly healthy, but besides difficulty walking and some cognitive impairment, she is doing better than anyone could have ever expected! Our whole family makes an effort to spend time with her—even if it’s just an hour or so to check in and see how she’s feeling.”

Faye and her mother are part of a growing phenomenon: Seniors spending their retirement years caring for parents who are in their 90s and beyond. Because of longer life spans, many adult children and their parents are now “aging together,” said Kathrin Boerner, an associate professor of gerontology at the University of Massachusetts Boston.

Faye has abandoned her own retirement dreams

Her mother’s longevity has taken a financial toll. Faye has dipped into her nest egg to pay for her mother’s expenses. She put her home with her fabulous garden and art studio on the market. She cares for her mother three days each week and pays for part of her mother’s care out of her own pension. As difficult as her responsibilities are, she considers herself lucky to have a mother with a good sense of humor who appreciates her efforts.

Study finds these senior caregivers suffering from failing health, stress and isolation

Dr. Boerner found that many of these late-life caregivers, typically daughters, suffer from their own failing health, which worsens with the stress, depression, physical tasks and isolation. The financial picture often becomes dire. The adult children spend resources meant for their own later lives. It gets worse when there were toxic relationships between parent and child. Old resentments bubble up, and the quality of caregiving suffers.

Getting exercise and taking much-needed personal time could depend on the family’s ability to pay for home aides, adult daycare and other respite programs.

There are resources that may provide help: 

• Medicaid picks up some costs for those with limited assets, but the number of hours varies.
• An accountant will calculate tax breaks for home care and other services.
• Local senior programs may offer guidance on free and reduced-cost programs.

But children who are draining their own retirement savings should consider a nursing home that accepts Medicaid, and then pay for restaurant outings and other extras.

Even when they do not pay for care, many older caregivers make financial sacrifices. In some cases, children, particularly women, are retiring earlier than they planned or are cutting back on their hours to care for their parents.

The growing problem of caring for our seniors

Most of us these days know someone who is caring for an aging family member. With 10,000 baby boomers turning 70 every day, caring for this demographic is a growing health care issue. It’s only a matter of time before it becomes a political issue.

The need to prepare life-planning documents

If you or someone you know is caring for someone or are part of a caregiver team, it’s important to create a Living Trust. Our comprehensive Trust portfolio includes a Power of Attorney and an Advance Healthcare Directive. It’s important to sign these legal documents while someone still has testamentary capacity. With a Power of Attorney and Advance Healthcare Directive, you or a member of your team will be able to make important healthcare and financial decisions in the event your family member becomes incapacitated.

Our dedicated team has assisted hundreds of families in creating their Living Trusts

We’re responsive and available throughout the process. We’re helpful, compassionate and affordable. Schedule an appointment today at one of our three Bay Area offices.

Providing “Help Insurance”, Senior Women Have Each Other’s Backs

Eileen Kobrin was 71, lived in New York City and led a busy, active life, but like many seniors who live alone, she worried that an accident would compromise one of the things she valued most–her independence. Two years ago, while on vacation, Eileen tripped and fell, breaking her ankle in several places.

The Caring Collaborative rallied to support Eileen

Thankfully, this Kaiser Health News story has a very happy ending. Eileen belongs to a Caring Collaborative Network, and the women in her group sprang into action to care for her. One member recommended an excellent ankle surgeon at the nearby hospital, who successfully operated. Once Eileen returned to her apartment with instructions to stay off her feet for two long months, other Network members brought over a wheelchair, a bath chair and an elevated toilet seat.

Every single day someone from the group arrived with lunch or dinner; some members just checked in to keep her company. “It was a tremendous outpouring of support–one of the most wonderful experiences of my life.”

Bringing senior women together to help with short-term illness or disability

The Caring Collaborative program originated a decade ago in New York City and has spread to Philadelphia and San Francisco. It brings senior women together to help one another when short-term illness or disability strikes. It fills a need that our healthcare system and other organizations don’t provide.

Most Caring Collaborative members are like Eileen—senior women who live alone and worry about finding this kind of support in the event of illness or accident. Many of them don’t have a strong support system, and their families are scattered around the country. In many cases, their friends have died, developed dementia, or become otherwise incapacitated. An estimated 35% of women 65 and older fall into this category. For those 75 and above, the number is higher, at 46%.

In a different time, these women might have relied on nearby family, neighbors, or their churches for support. But today’s families are dispersed, neighbors are often strangers and churches reach fewer people than in the past. Caring Collaborative is, at its core, a networking group, a way to meet new people and form relationships.

The Caring Collaborative has three core components

1. Information exchange. Members share information about medical conditions and medical providers.
2. Service corps of women who volunteer. This group provides hands-on assistance to other members.
3. Small neighborhood groups. These women meet monthly to discuss health topics and share personal concerns.

In New York City, many members are retired professionals who want to make new friends and explore activities after leaving the workforce. They often have similar interests and experiences to share.

Focused on her career at the expense of relationships

Barbara Alpern is the current chair of New York City’s Caring Collaborative. She joined four years ago after retiring from a long career in employee benefits consulting and becoming ill with complications from diabetes. Unmarried, she lives alone and had focused on work at the expense of friendships. “I realized I had nobody I could easily count on.”

Within months of joining the organization, Alpern sent out a request for somebody to pick her up from a colonoscopy and escort her back home. The woman who responded invited her for breakfast; over bacon and eggs they discovered a mutual love of theater. Several gettogethers followed and a new friendship was formed.

One loner forms her own neighborhood group

Naomi Goodhart, 64, who also lives alone, became a member after stepping down from a longtime position as a corporate executive assistant. “I’ve been a loner my entire life and have found making friends extremely difficult.” Since getting involved with the Caring Collaborative, Goodhart has formed a new neighborhood group in her area. She now describes herself as “the happiest I’ve ever been” because of a satisfying sense of purpose and the relationships she’s developed.

For emergencies, it’s still best to call 911

Responding to emergencies is not part of the Caring Collaborative’s mission; instead, it recommends that people still call 911.

“Help insurance”. Plan for it before you need it

Can the Caring Collaborative’s “mutual support in aging” program be replicated in other communities? Senior centers, aging organizations, senior housing complexes and other community groups could implement this information exchange component. One longtime health care executive and prior chair of New York City’s Caring Collaborative calls this “help insurance.” Unpaid, informal and essential.

Many of our Living Trust clients are retired or thinking about it

They’re often baby boomers, frequently taking care of their aging parents. Our office conversation cover a wide range of topics specific to seniors, including hospice, assisted living, nursing care and Alzheimer’s. Creating a Living Trust is one of the best ways to plan for your family, and our comprehensive Trust package includes a Power of Attorney and Advance Healthcare Directive. Schedule an appointment today by contacting us at one of our three Bay Area offices. Our dedicated team is helpful, compassionate and affordable.