Women, Divorce and the Economic Realities

Each year, nearly 2.8 million men and women go through Divorce. In the first year after the Divorce is final, a wife’s standard of living may drop almost 27 percent. Compare that to her husband’s standard of living—it may increase by as much as 10 percent! In the nearly 20 years that Guideway has been assisting our clients with Divorce, it’s hardly surprising that women are concerned about financial survival in the high-priced Bay Area.

Many factors contribute to lowering the standard of living         

Women generally end up with custody of the kids, and child support may not be enough to cover the actual cost of child rearing. For stay-at-home moms or those who held part-time jobs, getting back into the workforce and finding well-paying jobs is extremely difficult. It takes years to get on a career path to start making a good living. Divorce is expensive—there are court costs, therapist bills, getting established in new living situations based on a single paycheck. If you are contemplating divorce, now is the time to rethink your spending. Where can you cut back and start saving money that you’re going to need?

Do your research. Talk to single moms; consult with a financial adviser

If you’re contemplating Divorce, start doing some research. Talk to your friends who are single moms. Be fully aware of just how difficult it will be—especially if you don’t have family to help with the kids. Consult with a lawyer and a financial advisor. Make sure you’ve fully considered the impact of Divorce on your kids, your spouse and your life. Think about timing. If you’ve been married nine years, you might want to stick out the last year, so you can collect on your ex’s earnings record.

Make copies of all financial documents

Make a copy of all tax returns, loan applications, wills, trusts, financial statements, your mortgage, banking information, brokerage statements, loan documents, credit card statements, deeds to real property, car registration, insurance inventories, and insurance policies. If you have assets that you brought into the marriage, these will remain yours as long as you can document your ownership.

Be suspicious. Look for signs that your husband may be hiding income

Make sure you’re including any safe deposit boxes and reviewing pay stubs, retirement plans, and insurance policies. If your spouse’s business generates a lot of cash, find a forensic accountant to look for signs of additional income that he may be hiding. Don’t overlook hobbies or side businesses that generate income. Here’s an example: My neighbor Allen makes exquisite knives in his workshop that he sells for up to $1K/each. Working with iron and metal is his hobby, and when he sells something, there’s no record of it, and he doesn’t pay any taxes. But at $1K/each, he’s generating a nice little revenue stream. California is a community property state, and you’re entitled to half of this kind of income.

Did you help your husband get a degree or pay for grad school?

My accountant put her husband through law school, and he’s now a partner in a prestigious San Francisco law firm. When he wanted a divorce, she put her savvy CPA brain to work and received a generous compensation for those years she worked to put him through school.

Consider big-picture tax consequences

Get an accountant to help you make these decisions because they will have profound effects on your future and that of your children.

• Monthly alimony or a lump sum?
• What is his retirement plan worth?
• Should you keep the family home or sell it now?
• Who pays the mortgage until it sells?

Selling the family home is a difficult decision, but in too many cases, women hang on to the house because of the emotional bonds. They want their kids to stay in a neighborhood where they have friends and feel safe. But in too many cases, that home is too expensive to maintain. The constant upkeep, the landscaping and repairs, the mow and blow guy who comes once/week. All of this becomes a burden. Better to move to a smaller home in a neighborhood that’s more affordable.

Become your own advocate. Prepare for your future

Be informed. Taking an active role in the divorce negotiations will help you reach a better settlement. During our Guided Mediation, we often see couples improving communication through the mediation process. They will need this as they raise their kids together. Stand up for yourself and get your share so you’re able to take care of yourself and your children financially.

If you stayed home to take care of your kids, you’ll need to find a way to support yourself and your children. Get career counseling and training. You may need to go back to school, so prepare for the expense of tuition and books. You’re creating a new life for your family.

Guideway’s Divorce and Mediation Services

Guideway has been assisting Bay Area couples with Divorce for nearly 20 years. While the majority of our clients may not have worked out the details, they know they are willing to reach agreement on division of assets and a parenting plan—and those are the critical components of an Amicable Divorce. Our Guided Mediation is for couples whose Divorce has stalled for whatever reasons. We guide you through it, and we prepare the legal documents. Schedule an appointment with Guideway today.

Guideway services the entire Bay Area

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.

If you’re planning a divorce in 2022, you’ve got lots of company. Few couples want to disrupt the family’s holidays with Divorce matters, and statistics show that Divorce rates are highest early in the year.

These are things you can be doing now that will help move the process along, minimizing the impact on your family.

1. Identify assets and liabilities

• Identify separate assets for each spouse. These are the individual assets that you brought into your marriage and are not subject to division. They might include real estate, valuable collections, such as antiques and cars. This also includes brokerage, savings and retirement accounts.
• Identify marital assets–those things you and your spouse acquired together during your marriage, to be divided equally.
• Identify liabilities. Identify individual and marital debt. It may be that you’re still paying off your college loans. If so, these likely are separate debts that you brought into the marriage—your spouse bears no responsibility for repaying these debts. If, however, you and your spouse buy a home together, your mortgage is a shared liability.

2. Gather/copy important records and financial documents

It’s helpful to have copies of your records in one place when going through your divorce, and you will need to have copies. Deeds, mortgages, car titles and other financial documents that show proof of ownership or investment are essential.

3. Amicable Divorce

While it can seem overwhelming, Divorce is actually a very methodical process. If you can agree on division of property and a parenting plan, you don’t need an attorney, and Guideway can save you a lot of money. We are available for questions throughout the process. Either you or your spouse will serve the other with a petition, which Guideway files with the court. You will need to exchange detailed financial information that includes both assets and debts, mentioned above. Our team is compassionate, knowledgeable, and responsive. We guide you through it, and we prepare the legal documents.

4. Guided Mediation

Guideway is an experienced, neutral third party that guides divorcing couples through the issues that have stalled their divorce, helping them reach a mutually acceptable resolution. There’s no judge, no winning or losing. Instead, our Guided Divorce is based on the principles of negotiation, open-mindedness, and compromise. Both parties must be our clients and must be willing to listen and compromise.

You’ll be asked to prioritize:

• What can’t you live without? It may be your house–your biggest asset that keeps appreciating, and the place your kids call home.
• What will you give up to keep it? Retirement benefits? Long-term financial support?

Our skilled guides help couples divide their assets and work through custody matters to reach mutually agreeable solutions.

Now is a good time to begin thinking about your priorities

• Do you want to continue living in the family home? Remember that you’re now living on one income rather than two, and home maintenance is expensive. It may make sense to sell the house and move to a more affordable neighborhood.
• How important will it be for you to obtain alimony (or minimize your liability for alimony)?
• What can you expect from your spouse in terms of co-parenting your children?

5. Think about your spouse’s priorities

Note areas where your and your spouse’s priorities are likely to overlap. This will help you to be better prepared to address potential conflicts.

6. Create a post-Divorce plan

Get realistic about your post-Divorce life. While Divorce represents a fresh start, the high cost of living in the Bay Area also makes it stressful. By preparing a budget and identifying your want-to-haves vs need-to-haves, you can be realistic about the new life you are trying to create for yourself and your family.

7. Keep a low profile

Hiding assets is a very bad idea and has serious consequences if it backfires. Maintain a low profile and keep your spouse and your Divorce off social media.

8. Manage stress

While your Divorce is a major life event with long-term consequences, try to keep this in perspective. You will get through this.

Guideway’s Divorce and Mediation Services

Guideway has been assisting Bay Area couples with Divorce for nearly 20 years. While the majority of our clients may not have worked out the details, they know they are willing to reach agreement on division of assets and a parenting plan—and those are the critical components of an Amicable Divorce. Our Guided Mediation is for couples whose Divorce has stalled for whatever reasons. We guide you through it, and we prepare the legal documents. Schedule an appointment with Guideway today.

Guideway services the entire Bay Area

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.

Too Busy to Get Divorced?

The pandemic has played some cruel tricks on relationships. Too much stress. Too much anxiety from worrying about jobs, kids and trying to stay healthy. Too much time together without a break. The result is a whole lot of people who can’t wait to get out of their unhappy marriages. One of the ironies of Divorce is that no matter how unhappy you and your spouse may be, it requires a significant effort to get even an uncontested, or amicable, divorce.

A woman from Concord, Shelley, who had filed for a Divorce nearly a year ago recently came into Walnut Creek office and wanted to know if we could help her. She and her spouse had tried a do-it-yourself (DIY) Divorce, but their economics didn’t fit the DIY mold. She’s not alone. Trying to equally divide your life and how you will share the raising of your children requires some heavy lifting.

Like many Bay Area women, her life is a constant juggling act

Shelley has two children under 12 who are involved in a variety of activities. She has a good job, but works long hours and her husband works for a nonprofit. By the time she deals with the challenges of her job, her kids and running her home, she’s exhausted and can’t seem to find time to focus on the Divorce, and her husband isn’t much help.

Disclosure: A listing of assets and liabilities

Shelley and her husband agree that they want a divorce, so they will identify the assets and liabilities that constitute their financial status. The next step will be to determine how they will split their assets and share the responsibility for their debts.

For their two children, there must be a parenting plan

The more thought and care that goes into this, the more successful the parenting plan will be. Shelley and her husband tried to stick to their kids’ existing routines as much as possible. They’ll need to decide:

• If they’ll share legal custody or if one will have sole physical and legal custody. Will one of them keep the family home? If so, that ensures that the kids remain in the same neighborhood and school. This is a tricky one. Owning and maintaining a home in the Bay Area can be challenging on a single income.
• Who will be responsible for the kids’ health insurance, for transportation to and from activities, from doctor and dental appointments?
• Where their kids will spend school holidays and summer vacations?
• Who will buy their clothes and deduct them on their income tax?

While a parenting plan will evolve as children grow, the more thoughtful and complete, the better the family will adapt.

We created a project plan and a timeline for the Divorce to be finalized

Guideway identified tasks and a timeline for Shelley and her husband to complete them. They now know exactly what they need to do and have set a goal to be divorced by September. We were delighted to provide the structure and accountability that got Shelley’s Divorce back on track.

There’s a better solution: Guideway 

Guideway has been assisting Bay Area couples with their Divorces for more than 15 years. If you and your spouse can reach agreement on division of assets and liabilities and a parenting plan, you don’t need an attorney, and we can save you a significant amount of money.
Divorce can seem overwhelming, but it’s a very methodical process. Most of our clients have a pretty good idea how they are going to divide their property and share custody of their children. They may not have worked out the details, but they know they are willing to reach agreement—and that’s the critical component of an amicable Divorce.

Best of all, we guide you through it and we prepare the legal documents. Schedule an appointment with Guideway today.

We service the entire East Bay and North Bay areas

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.