Divorce and Your Kids: Should you Stay Together or Split?

Couples in unhappy marriages debate whether it’s better to stay together for the sake of their kids or get a Divorce. Ask kids who grew up in volatile, dysfunctional families, and they’ll tell you endless stories about what it’s like living in a home where there’s constant tension, anger and abusive behavior. In my own home, my father was an alcoholic, and we all breathed a sigh of relief when he left. But when his truck pulled into the driveway, everything changed. We never knew what to expect. Would we get the silent treatment, moody and sullen or a violent rage that would spin out of control?

Even as a very young person, I knew my folks were a bad fit. I remember begging my mom to leave my dad, and she’d tell me that there were things I didn’t understand. She was talking about the economics and logistics of divorce, of course, which can seem overwhelming, but the stakes are high.

Our parents are also our teachers

We learn important life lessons from our parents—lessons about respect and how to treat other people. Staying together under chaotic circumstances teaches kids that this is normal behavior. And it’s a frightening lesson for kids to be learning. Is this the behavior they’ll be carrying with them into their own marriages?

Two homes free of constant arguing. It can happen

Divorce means juggling between two homes, and it takes some adjustment. The upside? The promise of a conflict-free environment. It may mean moving from the family home. It may mean a new neighborhood or even a new school. Most families figure out a new normal that works for them. Children are no longer riding the rocky road of their parents’ relationship on a daily basis. Things settle down and everyone is calmer and less combative. Kids have a chance to restore normal relationships with their parents, free of constant bickering.

Finding time to be a better parent

I spoke with a friend who finalized her divorce two months ago. She’s the custodial parent of two teenage sons, and her ex takes them most weekends. She fully expects that it will take a few more months for them to get comfortable with their new routines, but for now, she looks forward to having time to herself on the weekends. She has rejoined her old book club and is finds time for friends. Her life has more balance now. She’s also finding that her relationship with her boys has improved dramatically. They’re all calmer and more relaxed together without the previous tension.

Children learn lessons about the power of compromise

When kids see their parents co-parenting and working through issues in a Divorce, they learn that compromise is an important and effective learned skill. Working through the Divorce process shows your child how to get to a better outcome.

Seeking happiness is a valid goal!

The false value of keeping the family together to avoid the stigma of Divorce, while sacrificing the wellbeing of family members, is another life lesson for your kids. Seeking happiness is worth the effort!

Guideway, we’re a single point of contact

As Legal Document Assistants, we assist our clients in Divorce and Mediation. If you can agree on division of property and a parenting plan, we can save you a lot of money. Our fees are significantly lower than those of attorneys. Why work with Guideway? One flat fee. There are never annoying add-on charges for copying, phone calls and other miscellany. Where appropriate, we also notarize documents and file them with the County Recorders’ Office.

You’ll work with a dedicated specialist who is available for questions and support throughout the process. We’ve been in business since 2003 and have expanded to three Bay Area offices–Dublin, Oakland and Walnut Creek. More than 60% of our business comes from referrals and repeat business.

We’re also proud of our comprehensive Living Trust package that includes a Power of Attorney and Advanced Healthcare Directive. We provide a hard copy as well as a soft copy of your documents. More questions? Contact us today.

Guideway services the entire Bay Area

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.

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Judge Orders Deadbeat Dad to Pay Child Support

Robyn and John, both in their late 30s, had been together for seven years. When Robyn got pregnant, though she knew that John had a son from a former relationship and was an indifferent father, she wanted to have this child.

Everyone had always told John how brilliant he was

John graduated from Rutgers with a Ph.D. in cell microbiology. He returned to Seattle and took a post-doc position at the University of Washington. That was 15 years ago. Post-doc positions generally last two-three years; they don’t pay much and they’re meant to be learning periods, after which people move on to careers in academia or research. John did neither. After 15 years, he was still a post-doc.

Robyn took this deadbeat dad to court

Robyn and John were no longer together, but she needed John’s financial support to raise their son. John’s view was that he didn’t make enough money to be paying child support. He spent most days working from coffee shops and was content to be muddling along on his meager post-doc salary. The judge threw the book at John and told him he needed to get a job, start making some real money and contribute to the support of his kids. The judge scheduled dates when John had to be back in court to show progress.

Unpaid child support compromises the wellbeing of children

Nonpayment of child support is an offense that’s punishable by jail time. Unfortunately, that doesn’t solve the problem. It still leaves the custodial parent, generally the mother, trying to make ends meet, and it ultimately punishes the child. What many may not realize is that there is a statewide Child Support Guideline that defines how child support is determined. It’s neither arbitrary nor subjective. Rather, it’s a formula that’s predicated on both parents being responsible for supporting their children, and it’s part of the California Family Code.

The Guideline is designed to provide a minimum level of support

The standard guideline provides a minimum level of child support and uniformity in the way it’s calculated and applied. Both judges and parents are expected to adhere to these guidelines. Child support orders must ensure that children receive fair, timely support that’s consistent with California’s standard of living.

Applying the Guideline

The Guideline is a formula that uses parents’ income, deductions and time spent with the child to come up with a dollar amount for child support. An online child support calculator helps couples contemplating Divorce estimate their child-support commitments.

Child support is based on:

• Each parent’s gross income.
• The percentage oftime each child spends with each parent. If there is more than one child and each child spends different percentages of time with each parent, this starts to get complicated.
• Any available income tax deductions that the parents can claim, such as mortgage interest.
• Mandatory payroll deductions, such as health insurance, pensions, and union dues.
• Child-care costs. If there are young children, there will be childcare costs that likely need to be shared.

The calculator will generate the child support estimate. In general, the greater the disparity between the two parents’ income and the less time the higher earning parent spends with the children, the more child support that parent will owe.

Breaking down the formula

Here is the formula California uses to calculate child support:

CS = K (HN – (H%) (TN)).

• CS is the child support amount. This is what the formula will calculate once you’ve plugged in all of your information. The amount will be for one child.
• K is the combined total of both parents’ income to be allocated for child support.
• HN stands for high net: The net monthly disposable income of the parent who earns more.
• H% is the approximate percentage of time that the high earner has or will have primary physical responsibility for the children compared to the other parent.
• TN is the combined total net monthly disposable income of both parents.

Division of property, parenting plans and calculating child support—it can all seem confusing, but Divorce is actually a very methodical process. Guideway guides you through it and we prepare the legal documents.

Guideway, assisting our clients in Divorce and Guided Mediation

As Legal Document Assistants, we assist our clients in Divorce and Mediation. If you can agree on division of property and a parenting plan, we can save you a lot of money. Our fees are significantly lower than those of attorneys. Why work with Guideway? One flat fee. There are never annoying add-on charges for copying, phone calls and other miscellany. Where appropriate, we also notarize documents and file them with the County Recorders’ Office.

We’re a single point of contact. You’ll work with a dedicated specialist who is available for questions and support throughout the process. We’ve been in business since 2003 and have expanded to three Bay Area offices–Dublin, Oakland and Walnut Creek. More than 60% of our business comes from referrals and repeat business.

We’re also proud of our comprehensive Living Trust package that includes a Power of Attorney and Advanced Healthcare Directive. We provide a hard copy as well as a soft copy of your documents. More questions? Contact us today.

Guideway services the entire Bay Area

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.