The Kickoff: Holidays 2021

Let the season begin! That old excitement is back in the air. What can we expect? A white Christmas in many parts of the country. People on the move. Crowded airports and train stations. Busy restaurants. Americans happily spending money again.

Forget the “need-to-haves”. Americans are ready for the “I deserve-to-haves”

Salesforce is predicting demand for products in the adventure industry–luggage, sporting goods, and vacation-wear purchases will increase as Americans get back to planning trips again. After a year of living virtually, we’re looking forward to in-person celebrations. A year of schlumping around in sweats has led to our wanting to buy clothes again. Party clothes, glitter and glamorous accessories. Consumers with money in their pockets will be looking to upgrade their wardrobes with investment pieces like jewelry and watches that they can show off.

And the family thing? For many, it never gets any easier

This year the conflict transcends the usual criticism over children’s life choices. Polarized politics and Covid have created mine fields for many families. Some people are not inviting unvaccinated family members to Thanksgiving; others are scoffing at relatives who insist on masks.

“Now it’s no longer whether you just disagree about the long-term effects of climate change,” said Jill Suitor, a sociologist at Purdue University, where she leads a project investigating family conflict in 550 multigenerational families, “but whether you believe that having certain family members present poses a serious danger to other family members.”

But those classic fights about politics or where to spend Christmas are really about something much deeper, especially in 2021. Psychologists caution us that we’ve been through a lot. There’s a yearning for love, connection and, above all, belonging. There’s a theme of “We hope that our parents will understand this year. Maybe this time, my in-laws will accept me.”

But after a year apart, we’re further apart

Feelings will be hurt this year and efforts to express love may be clumsy, awkward or marred by pride and stubbornness. Though the pandemic has increased tensions within families, it has also created an opening. Now more than ever, people are recognizing the importance of being together, understanding how precious and fleeting life can be. There will be a lot of empty places at holiday tables, and we’ve experienced painful losses. Being grateful for our blessings may inspire us to lead with love and tolerance this holiday season.

 

One thoughtful action item for your family this holiday: Create or update your Living Trust.

As you prepare your home for winter and get caught up on vaccines that will help you and your family stay healthy through the coming months, this is also a great time to create or update your Living Trust. With families gathered for the holidays, it’s also the perfect time to encourage aging family members to create their Living Trusts.

We’re proud of our comprehensive Living Trust package that includes a Power of Attorney and Advanced Healthcare Directive. Best of all, we guide you through it and we prepare the legal documents. Schedule an appointment with Guideway today.

Guideway services the entire Bay Area

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.

Divorce and Your Kids: Should you Stay Together or Split?

Couples in unhappy marriages debate whether it’s better to stay together for the sake of their kids or get a Divorce. Ask kids who grew up in volatile, dysfunctional families, and they’ll tell you endless stories about what it’s like living in a home where there’s constant tension, anger and abusive behavior. In my own home, my father was an alcoholic, and we all breathed a sigh of relief when he left. But when his truck pulled into the driveway, everything changed. We never knew what to expect. Would we get the silent treatment, moody and sullen or a violent rage that would spin out of control?

Even as a very young person, I knew my folks were a bad fit. I remember begging my mom to leave my dad, and she’d tell me that there were things I didn’t understand. She was talking about the economics and logistics of divorce, of course, which can seem overwhelming, but the stakes are high.

Our parents are also our teachers

We learn important life lessons from our parents—lessons about respect and how to treat other people. Staying together under chaotic circumstances teaches kids that this is normal behavior. And it’s a frightening lesson for kids to be learning. Is this the behavior they’ll be carrying with them into their own marriages?

Two homes free of constant arguing. It can happen

Divorce means juggling between two homes, and it takes some adjustment. The upside? The promise of a conflict-free environment. It may mean moving from the family home. It may mean a new neighborhood or even a new school. Most families figure out a new normal that works for them. Children are no longer riding the rocky road of their parents’ relationship on a daily basis. Things settle down and everyone is calmer and less combative. Kids have a chance to restore normal relationships with their parents, free of constant bickering.

Finding time to be a better parent

I spoke with a friend who finalized her divorce two months ago. She’s the custodial parent of two teenage sons, and her ex takes them most weekends. She fully expects that it will take a few more months for them to get comfortable with their new routines, but for now, she looks forward to having time to herself on the weekends. She has rejoined her old book club and is finds time for friends. Her life has more balance now. She’s also finding that her relationship with her boys has improved dramatically. They’re all calmer and more relaxed together without the previous tension.

Children learn lessons about the power of compromise

When kids see their parents co-parenting and working through issues in a Divorce, they learn that compromise is an important and effective learned skill. Working through the Divorce process shows your child how to get to a better outcome.

Seeking happiness is a valid goal!

The false value of keeping the family together to avoid the stigma of Divorce, while sacrificing the wellbeing of family members, is another life lesson for your kids. Seeking happiness is worth the effort!

Guideway, we’re a single point of contact

As Legal Document Assistants, we assist our clients in Divorce and Mediation. If you can agree on division of property and a parenting plan, we can save you a lot of money. Our fees are significantly lower than those of attorneys. Why work with Guideway? One flat fee. There are never annoying add-on charges for copying, phone calls and other miscellany. Where appropriate, we also notarize documents and file them with the County Recorders’ Office.

You’ll work with a dedicated specialist who is available for questions and support throughout the process. We’ve been in business since 2003 and have expanded to three Bay Area offices–Dublin, Oakland and Walnut Creek. More than 60% of our business comes from referrals and repeat business.

We’re also proud of our comprehensive Living Trust package that includes a Power of Attorney and Advanced Healthcare Directive. We provide a hard copy as well as a soft copy of your documents. More questions? Contact us today.

Guideway services the entire Bay Area

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.

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Guideway assists our clients with uncontested legal matters, including Divorce. If you and your spouse can agree on division of property, you don’t need a lawyer, and we can save you a lot of money. We prepare the legal documents and guide you through it. 

There’s a general perception these days that Divorce is on the rise

Yet according to the Institute for Family Studies, the divorce rate reached a record low in 2019—for every 1,000 divorces, only 14.9 ended in divorce. But after a year and a half riding the pandemic rollercoaster, it’s a wonder anyone’s still married. Too much forced togetherness, economic insecurity and job loss. It’s been particularly hard on women—they’ve shouldered the bulk of childcare duties as whole families have switched to working and learning from home. But just as post-pandemic job hunters are seeking higher pay and more benefits, Covid has made many couples realize that they are no longer satisfied with the status quo. They want more from their relationships. 

According to Matt Lundquist, clinical director of Tribeca Therapy:

The pandemic has exacerbated issues that couples might have previously ignored, or tried to ignore. Alongside the enormous stress that Covid has created, many people in long-term marriages have found themselves at a crossroads. “I think this has been a forced moment of profound reflection. People are thinking a lot about what matters to them, what they want in life, what they tolerated living without that they don’t want to tolerate anymore. People are realizing that they have choices.”

 

Family attorney Alton L. Abramowitz: with SSRGA: “People are reexamining their lives, thinking: Is this the way I want to live for the next ten, 20 years?” he says. “There is this pent-up desire to move on with their lives.”

New York Magazine-The Covid Divorce: Couples want more from their relationships

He had promised he was sober, and then I found empty bottles

“What shifted for us is the lack of coping skills and distractions. We were in a very small house with our kids in lockdown. There was no place to hide. My ex’s alcoholism began to loom during the lockdown. I’m trying to raise the kids and he’s struggling with his addiction. With all of the stress of the pandemic, I needed the partner that I never got. I caught his stashing bottles around the house. My father has addiction issues, and it was not lost on me that I’m calling my mom, and she’s crying to me about this exact issue 20 years down the road. I had to end this cycle because it was not going to change.”

— Maya, 39, Montreal; married 16 years, together 21

 

She wanted a breadwinner, and I didn’t know how to get a six-figure job

“Before the pandemic, I was working for myself as a wedding photographer, and I was planting seeds for screenwriting and writing a book. I had worked hard to carve out a successful creative career. The pandemic changed things overnight—no one was having big weddings, so my income dried up; we didn’t meet our financial goals and ended the year with debt. I took a job with my wife’s company as a salesperson. The CEO loved my wife and hired me because of her. I never really succeeded in this culture. It cracked open big differences between us on how we define success and value money. We ended up separating, I moved to California and realized that I was happier alone. We are now planning to divorce, though not rushing to file papers.”

— Parker, 30, Southern CA; married four years, together seven

Why work with Guideway?

 

Guided Mediation. For those divorcing couples who have difficulty reaching consensus or for whom the Divorce process has stalled, our Guided Mediation, through a process of compromise and negotiation, assists couples in reaching successful conclusions.

One flat fee. There are never annoying add-on charges for copying, phone calls and other miscellany. Where appropriate, we also notarize documents and file them with the County Recorders’ Office. We’re a single point of contact. You’ll work with a dedicated specialist who is available for questions and support throughout the process. We’ve been in business since 2003, with three Bay Area offices–Dublin, Oakland and Walnut Creek. More than 60% of our business comes from referrals and repeat business. Schedule an appointment today. 

Guideway services the entire Bay Area

 

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.