When Improving Quality of Life Means Ending an Unhappy Marriage

The pandemic has been hard on relationships—the stress of working from home, worrying about health and job security while homeschooling kids has pushed many relationships to the brink. Many of us start the year with a promise to improve the quality of our lives. For some couples, ending an unhealthy marriage is the best way to do this.

What to think about if you and your spouse are planning to Divorce in 2021

“Ben” and “Amy” are a good example of a couple who are getting divorced in the new year. For their Amicable Divorce—no children, neither party is contesting the Divorce–they don’t need an attorney. Because they will be able to work out an equitable division of property themselves, Guideway can save them a lot of money. Best of all, we guide them through it. We prepare the legal documents and file them with the court. In California, a Divorce can be finalized in a minimum of six months.

Ben and Amy have been married for eight years

Ben and Amy got married soon after Amy graduated from college–Amy admits that it was probably too soon. She began working for a nonprofit, and Ben was a fireman with the Oakland Fire Department. Ben is 15 years older than Amy and doesn’t want children, and this has created a growing rift. Amy agreed to this condition when they got married, but it turns out that she wants children after all—she wants to be a family. The couple’s assets include their Oakland home, two cars, Amy’s 401k and Ben’s retirement account.

Our initial session was a Zoom call to review the Divorce process

Ben would serve a petition to Amy, which was the beginning of the Divorce process. From this point, they would need to identify the shared assets and debts that they have acquired over the course of their marriage and reach agreement on how they would divide them.

Creating a financial landscape

Divorcing couples need to provide the financial documents that will create a comprehensive financial landscape. These should show both assets and liabilities. You’ll need to gather:

• A list of your financial accounts–checking, savings, money market, life insurance, investment, 401k, credit cards, retirement accounts, etc.
• Account statements, deeds, copies of insurance policies, and other such supporting documentation.
• Tax returns for the past two years, paystubs or other proof of income.
• Information regarding any business interests in which you are involved.

We’ve been assisting couples with divorce since 2003

Divorce can seem overwhelming because it is often accompanied with upheaval—especially if there are children. Yet it is a methodical process, and we guide you through it. If you are considering Divorce or want more information, contact Guideway today.

We service the entire East Bay and North Bay areas

Berkeley, El Cerrito, Richmond, Pinole, Alameda, San Leandro, Castro Valley Newark, San Lorenzo, Concord, Alamo, Danville, Lafayette, Orinda, Moraga, Pleasant Hill, Martinez, Pittsburg, Antioch, Brentwood, Oakley, Discovery Bay, Pleasanton, San Ramon, Livermore, Tracy and Fremont. Our clients also live in the Napa Valley, Benicia, Vallejo, Martinez, Fairfield.

Redefining “Family”: Divorce Lawyers Divorce But Stay Connected

Vanessa Hammer and Brendan Hammer are two divorce lawyers who fell in love and married. Both came from families who had struggled financially, which helped mold their shared values and goals. Vanessa came from a large Mexican-American family in Houston. Brendan was the only child of an Hispanic mother.

When Vanessa graduated from law school in 2006 she moved to Chicago where Brendan had one more year. They planned to move to Houston after his graduation. The early years were filled with hard work as they built their careers. They traveled, made friends and were happy.

First signs of trouble revolved around their families

For Vanessa: “I sacrificed to leave my family, and I made concessions in my career in Chicago because I thought we were going back to Texas.” For Brandon, it was the death of his mother, his father coming to live with them and the birth of their son—all in one year.

By 2013, when their son was nearly three, things began to change. Brandon became snappish and began drinking too much. Vanessa learned that he he’d had an affair. This was his reaction to the events in his life.

They spent a year in therapy exploring the roots of their divide

Family was important to Vanessa. She wanted to move home to Texas and wanted another child. He wanted neither.

Divorce became inevitable

In 2014 Vanessa and their son moved to Texas. Brendan visited frequently and spent weekends with their son, who hated when his father left at the end of their visits. In the summer of 2015, Brendan left the firm where he had made partner and moved to Houston. A year later they all moved back to Chicago. “Culturally and educationally, Chicago better fit our values for raising a young child,” he said.

A living solution that was right for their family: Nesting: Two houses for three people

Despite their Divorce, they now are purchasing a home for their son who will stay in that home with one of them as they each take turns living in a separate residence that is also shared. This is referred to as nesting — providing the child of divorce one consistent, stable place to call home.

Feeling stigmatized by Divorce

Brendan feels that there’s a stigma associated with divorce, that their solution for keeping their family together isn’t understood by all. Vanessa wants people to understand that they are a family—though their living arrangement is a little unconventional.

As seasoned divorce lawyers, the economics of their Divorce were settled fairly, with the flexibility necessary to accommodate two parents living in an expensive city raising a child. Yet their incomes now must cover two households, not one. Their son is too young to understand divorce. “He knows there was a time when mom and dad didn’t live together, but he knows we are a family.” They always use the word “we”, as in “we are giving you this gift”. They made a conscious decision not to use the word “divorce” with him.

Life after Divorce: Their priority is raising their son

Having an equal partner helps when one of them travels or has other commitments. “We are clear the marriage is over, but I care about Brendan and what happens to him because he is my family,” she said. Both agree that their son is the best thing that happened to them and that they’ve grown up through the divorce process.

Is their new life better?

In some ways, yes. “I have a lot more freedom, and if I am honest with myself I found marriage restrictive.” She concurred: “I always felt I had to ask permission for everything, for having my own life apart from the family.” The move to Texas had to happen to prove that it wasn’t right for our family.

Advice for others contemplating Divorce

• Compassion for each other. Their own Divorce has made these lawyers more compassionate when dealing with their clients.
• Don’t say anything to the kids until you have a plan.
• There’s happy divorce and I’ll-never-see-you-again Divorce. Be creative and understand the range of options for divorce.
• “If there are children, minimize their exposure to adult issues,” she said. “All a kid wants to know is that everything is going to be okay. Be a rock even if you don’t feel like one.”

California Document Preparers has helped hundreds of families get divorced

Our dedicated team has helped hundreds of families get divorced. We’re responsive and available throughout the process. It starts with an office visit to review the Divorce process, responsibilities and costs. If you’re contemplating Divorce, schedule an appointment today to talk to one of our team. We’re helpful, compassionate and affordable.

A New Year: A New Start and a Divorce

A New Year. A time for a fresh start. We’re betting that even those who hate New Year’s resolutions still make silent promises to themselves that this will be the year they finally lose ten pounds, take that trip to Disneyland they’ve been promising their kids or visit their folks more often. And for the many married couples filing for Divorce, the New Year will be the time for major life changes that will have a profound effect on the lives of their families.

Divorce rates increase by one third in January

According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the number of Divorce filings is one third higher than normal in the month of January. Unfortunately, too many couples are more focused on ending a bad relationship than they are on taking the time to fully understand the process involved in dissolving a marriage.

Preparing for Divorce: Understanding the financial implications

The most important preparation for Divorce should include understanding the financial implications of dividing property and starting a new life as a single adult or parent. Each spouse needs to have a firm understanding of what and where all of his/her assets are and the most equitable way to divide them. If there are children, identifying custody and a parenting planare critical parts of the Divorce process.

People considering separation should review their taxes

Most of us receive our end-of-year tax forms in January, so this is the perfect month to review your earnings as well as your debts. Gather copies of documents that verify assets, liabilities, income and expenses–bank, brokerage and retirement statements and real estate documents.

Money and children are the most contentious topics for divorcing couples

Having a firm grip on your assets and liabilities puts you in a better position to negotiate and reach an equitable financial resolution. Many people are surprised at the amount of debt their spouses are carrying, which may include credit card debt that is easy to accumulate and difficult to pay down. California is a community property state, so that which is accumulated during marriage is a shared responsibility—which can become problematic when it comes to time for division of property.

Run a credit report on yourself

One financial adviser recommends running at least one credit report on yourself, as there may be debt about which you may be unaware. It can be shocking to learn that you potentially owe thousands of dollars because you have agreed to personally guarantee loans or have unknowingly underwritten other financial commitments. This kind of thing can happen when one spouse manages the couple’s finances and the other spouse remains uninformed about the couple’s fiscal affairs.

Review retirement plans and insurance policies

Review retirement plans and insurance policies to determine what changes need to be made to take your spouse off the policies and protect minor children. Something to think about: You want your life insurance proceeds to go to your children; however, if the children are minors at the time of a parent’s death, the receipt of a large sum of money is complicated. Even if a child is 18 years old and legally an adult, the receipt of a large amount of money may not be prudent. It might be better to name a conservator who would be responsible for managing the money and overseeing the wellbeing of children until they are able to care for themselves independently. If you have a Living Trust, Power of Attorney and Advance Healthcare Directive, you likely will want to make changes to these documents as well.

Saving money and stress with CDP’s Uncontested Divorce

California Document Preparers has assisted hundreds of Bay Area couples with their Divorces. We are the service providers of choice for an increasing number of couples who do not require an attorney to get divorced because they are not fighting over custody of their children and they are able to determine an equitable division of property—these are the fundamentals of an uncontested divorce. We help our clients save money and stress at what is already a very difficult time for families.

We guide our clients through the step-by-step Divorce process

Our clients fill out our attorney-approved workbooks, and we prepare the legal documents and file them with the courts. We manage the entire process and remain in touch by phone and email. Our dedicated team is compassionate and helpful; we understand the emotional impact of Divorce and work hard to make the process as seamless as possible.

If a Divorce is part of your plans for 2018, contact California Document Preparers at one of our three Bay Area offices today to schedule an appointment. We’re helpful, compassionate and affordable.

We helped a Berkeley couple, “Brad” and “Sonya”, get a Legal Separation four years ago. They’d been married for eight years and had two young children. Their relationship had become increasingly troubled, yet they were not ready for Divorce; rather, they believed that taking the steps to legally separate was the right solution for their family at that time. Just as with Divorce, a Legal Separation requires division of property and a parenting plan. Brad and Sonya were both professionals generating good incomes, and they agreed that Sonya would get the house, and be responsible for refinancing it in her name alone. They shared custody of their two children, but since the kids spent 70% of their time with their mother, Brad agreed to pay child support.

Four years later, they were ready to get a Divorce

The four years of Brad and Sonya’s legal separation did nothing to repair their relationship, and they agreed that it was time to get divorced. Over the period of their separation, both spouses had been promoted, increasing their salaries. Both had made investments, and Sonya had inherited her grandmother’s Tahoe cabin. They had never executed a Deed transferring the home to Sonya, so we immediately prepared a Deed transferring the property to her, enabling her to refinance the family’s home.

Once a legal separation is finalized, the case is closed . . . but a couple is still married, with the responsibilities of a married couple

Legally separated couples need to keep in mind that even if they are officially separated, they’re still married. If, like Brad and Sonya, they decide to divorce, they must start a brand new case and prepare new documents. If a couple wants to keep their agreement the same, the documents can reference their previous judgment, but if they want to make additions or changes to the division of assets or the parenting plan, they must submit a new agreement.

While a separation can take just a few months (effective as soon as the judge signs the document), California legally requires a minimum of six months and one day from the date the spouse is served for a divorce to be official. Some legally separated clients who proceed with a Divorce are surprised that they can’t simply sign off on the change of status, and Brad and Sonya’s case clearly illustrates why this wouldn’t be the best course of action, even if it were possible. Circumstances can change dramatically over the course of an extended separation—for better and for worse, which necessitates revisiting a couple’s collective assets and debt and how they plan to share in the raising of their children.

If you’re considering a Legal Separation or if you’ve decided that it’s time to go through with a Divorce, contact California Document Preparers at one of our three Bay Area offices today to schedule an appointment. We’re helpful, compassionate and affordable.

Thinking about Divorce? 7 Ways to Keep it Affordable

Many couples considering divorce may be miserable, but they remain together because of the economic difficulties of splitting their assets and their lives.

Divorce rates dropped during the recession and began to climb again when the economy improved. One of our clients and his wife had purchased a large home in Alamo when times were good; when the recession hit, he lost his great job and they lived on one salary—hers–in a home with a huge mortgage. The economic pressures destroyed what was left of their marriage, yet they couldn’t afford to get divorced, so they lived in separate camps in that huge house that they tried to sell, but no one was buying. Unfortunately, this kind of story is not uncommon. But while the economy is now stronger, couples who come in to our offices for assistance with their Divorces invariably have been thinking about this for a long time, and economics is often the primary obstacle.

Divorce often requires downsizing, including selling the family home.

There are now two households to support, and it may mean downsizing or selling the family home. But Divorce doesn’t have to be financially crippling. There’s another important factor: the emotional toll that highly contested legal battles and their financial aftermath take on the family. No one emerges unscathed from these battles, and it can leave children scarred.

Fortunately, there are alternatives.

1. Counseling

This should be your first consideration. Even if you tried counseling and it had no lasting effect, it might be time to try another therapist. Do some research and to find someone who’s a fit for you; there’s a lot at stake.

2.Agreement on distribution of assets, custody and a parenting plan

If Divorce is inevitable, sit down and try to reach an agreement on how you’re going to split assets and debts, child custody arrangements and how you will share parenting responsibilities. If you can’t reach an agreement, hire an experienced mediator that you both trust. Mediators are results-oriented and will work with you to identify solutions.

3. Quit worrying about what you think is fair

Fair gets very subjective. Forget also about what you’ve learned from other people’s Divorces. Look at the big picture—an equitable division of property and peace and sanity for your family.

4. Don’t expect the judge to resolve your issues and defend your rights

Figuring this out is your responsibility; the legal system is not designed to address personal family issues. Your overriding concern should be your children—putting their needs first to make the transition as smooth and normal as possible is the ideal. Keeping kids in the same schools and neighborhoods creates continuity, but they also adjust to new routines.

5. Figure out when it is time to just let it go

In the interest of time, expense, and emotional fatigue, start to get used to compromise.

6. Make a complete and accurate list of all liquid assets, income and expenses

Don’t rely on your spouse to do this for you. Gather all the information you need and then begin the process of division with your spouse. If necessary, a financial adviser can be an excellent investment. In many cases, a neutral outsider can give expert advice on the best way to decide the long-term value of retirement accounts vs keeping and maintaining the family home, etc.

7. Consider hiring an alternative organization to assist you

If you and your spouse can reach agreement on division of property and custody issues, California Document Preparers can take the sting out of the financial impact of hiring an attorney. We’ve helped more than 2,000 people get divorced, and they never have to set foot in court. We prepare the legal documents and file them. In the rare cases where people still have issues to resolve, they often find that our office environment provides the privacy and neutrality that helps them work through issues.

Are you considering Divorce?

Call California Document Preparers at one of our three Bay Area offices today to schedule an appointment. Our dedicated family law specialists are happy to answer your questions about the process, including the timing and how we work with our clients. You can also use our easy-to-use, secure online storefront to jumpstart the process–we’re still available by phone and email if you have questions. We’re helpful, compassionate and affordable.